Premiership Football Comment
Media Training for the Modern Footballer
Footballers have never been considered to be the brightest and most articulate breed of a human being, though more often than not it isn't their fault.
One has to consider that the vast majority of promising, young players are spotted at a tender age and it isn't uncommon that players from the age of nine onwards are wrapped in the cotton wool that is a football club's academy. Though these players receive some sort of education through the academy - often in conjunction with a school or college in the surrounding area - the youngsters probably don't neglect their studies but are so focussed and determined to pursue a career in their lifelong passion that it could reflect badly on how they are perceived in the public eye later on in life. It's fair enough that they have the drive and desire to succeed in their ideal career; anyone else would do the same given the opportunity. Unfortunately, and it is becoming an increasingly regular and sorry sight, their social skills and ability to integrate with the public tends to deteriorate. They see out their adolescence in a seemingly closed environment tailored to putting them onto the path for what they hope will be a successful career. This therefore limits their ability to integrate with people outside of their profession once they've signed professional contracts and are suddenly earning tens or even hundreds of thousands of pounds per week. Their status is elevated to stardom almost overnight, and they often expect to get things their own way. We only have to look back a couple of months to the incident in a nightclub involving former Wigan striker Marlon King, where he was given a hefty prison sentence for assaulting a woman who showed no interest in him despite his best attempts - he allegedly approached her with the chat-up line "don't you know who I am? I'm a footballer and a millionaire!" The phrase 'too much too young' often springs to mind, i.e. players having such astronomical wages lavished on them from such a tender age and not knowing how to handle the responsibilities that come with it. The classic example of recent times would be Emmanuel Adebayor's acrimonious departure from Arsenal to the cash rich Manchester City. He put his departure down to the perception that he wasn't appreciated by the club, and the tabloid press were frequently leaking stories about his clashes with the hierarchy over his demand for his wages to be significantly increased. His behaviour and reputation of being seen as arrogant and self centred has certainly damaged the way he is viewed by the football world.
However, despite the more serious flaws of the modern footballer, there are more humorous, light-hearted imperfections on show. They supposedly have media training, but all that idea does is conjure up an image of a middle aged grump handing these young stars some cue cards with stock phrases written on them. One can appreciate that not all footballers are lacking in intelligence off the field; Graeme Le Saux has an economics degree from Kingston University and Shaka Hislop has a much vaunted qualification in Nuclear Physics. But in general, the stock phrases that are emitted from the mouth of a footballer are so cliché that you wonder if they attended a school that specialises in such a subject. The phrase 'at the end of the day' has often been a particular favourite amongst the players of the beautiful game. It doesn't seem to matter what time of the day that it's said, it will always be used. But it isn't just those on the pitch that appear to have fallen into the cliché trap. Managers often appear to have a vocabulary of their own. People in the game became so wary of the gaffer lingo that Chelsea famously used their physio to attempt to translate what Claudio Ranieri was struggling to articulate to the press. When asked what his thoughts on the game were, Ranieri began to answer the question in English but was struggling so badly that he reverted to his native Italian. In a moment of improvised genius, the trainer turned to the mother and father of all football clichés by replying "It was a game of two halves and I'm as sick as a parrot!"
In case you're wondering where the 'sick as a parrot' phrase comes from, it allegedly comes from a controversial pre-war incident in the Football League. Tottenham Hotspur had a pet parrot that was seen as the club's symbol (hence the cockerel). At the end of the final season before the outbreak of the Great War, Tottenham had finished one place above Arsenal in the old second division. However, rather than being promoted on merit of league position, Arsenal chairman Sir Henry Norris - a powerful figure and a Tory MP - called an election to decide who was promoted out of the two clubs. As it transpired, Arsenal gained the most votes and, by sheer coincidence, Tottenham's pet parrot knelt over and died on that day, and the most renowned sporting cliché was born.
One other cliché used predominantly by managers that one finds particularly irritating is the 'snakes and ladders' analogy. Virtually every time a team makes progress but has it halted by a sudden defeat, you will hear the likes of Dave Bassett and Iain Dowie say something along the lines of 'Well our season is a bit like playin' a game of Snakes and Ladders at the moment; we win a few games to climb the ladder but by coming across a snake and losing a game, we've gone back down again.'
It seems the only way to eradicate this robotic manner of communication between Football and the media is to revert to the time when reporters asking less monotonous questions that required a short and shrewd answer from a player was the norm - the best example being Tottenham Hotspur's double winning forward Les Allen simply answering 'Yes' when asked if he was aware that his goal on the opening day of the 1960/61 season was to start the road to the double. Nowadays, players are expected to be too extensive with their answers which can sometimes make for painful if sometimes hilarious viewing.
As with regards to Wednesday's clash of the 'big four' hopefuls in Tottenham and Manchester City, the tried and trusted phrases could well come to the fore as two of the most unpredictable and entertaining sides in the Premiership battle it out to gain superiority over one another in time for the busy festive period. Both sides have plenty of attacking options that can frequently deliver the goods (unless the Spurs team that turned up against Wolves shows up again) but have had their problems at the other end. Spurs are likely to be without their dynamic 'sick notes' Jonathan Woodgate and Ledley King, whilst City's overpriced defence are still mustering draws for fun. This could leave both managers facing a game of two halves and feeling as sick as parrots. Beware of the cliché!
Will Gannaway
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